


Night on Space Mountain

by the-reylo-void (Anysia)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Amusement Park, Crack, Disney World & Disneyland, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anysia/pseuds/the-reylo-void
Summary: Kylo Ren, Rey, and the Magic Kingdom. This won't end badly.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on true events as related to me by a dear friend who's a cast member at Space Mountain in Disney World. Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to pull up on your lap bar for me, okay?”

 

A pause. A baleful stare from dark, dark eyes.

 

“…sir. This ride is not moving until you pull up on your lap bar.”

 

“Kylo, for kriff’s sake,” Rey hissed, giving his shoulder a hard shove from the seat behind him.

 

“This… _worker_ is testing my patience,” Kylo muttered under his breath.

 

Rey sighed and placed her head in her hands. “It’s her _job_ , Kylo, she doesn’t want you to die on her ride.”

 

“As if this… space mountain could defeat me. I’ve stood at the summit of many.”

 

“Oh my God you are so drunk,” Rey mumbled into her hands.

 

It had been difficult enough to convince Kylo to come to the parks in the first place. He’d scowled from the first minute they set foot on-property, nearly made a friendly cast member wet himself when he asked Kylo to rescan his biometrics.

 

She’d only manage to placate him with a trip to Hollywood Studios, depositing him at the Darth Vader meet and greet and waiting in the play area with the other exhausted parents.

 

“Did you have fun meeting Darth Vader?” she’d asked when he came out.

 

Kylo had scuffed his boot, his arms crossed over his chest. “’s not the same,” he muttered. “This place sucks.”

 

Rey had rolled her eyes before holding out a brightly-colored plastic bag. “Here.”

 

Kylo raised an eyebrow at her. “What’s that?”

 

“Lego Death Star. Happy birthday, you whining git.”

 

(Rey wasn’t sure if kissing with tongue was permitted in the parks, but Kylo had lifted her up off her feet and kissed her senseless just the same.)

 

Things had gotten a little better after that. A small cadre of Stormtroopers passed by, declaring their area under the command of the First Order, and Kylo preened.

 

When two children ran by with plastic replicas of his cross-guard lightsaber, Kylo spun, eyes narrowed, and reached out one hand, Force-stunning them in their tracks.

 

“You. Infants.” He towered over them, eyes dark and malevolent. “Where did you obtain these?”

 

The young boys stared at him, then burst into tears and pointed.

 

“ _Kylo!”_

 

The boys’ hold was released as Rey reached up and tugged hard on Kylo’s hair. “ _You are going to get us thrown out of Disney World_ ,” she hissed. “I have not had a churro, I have not been on Space Mountain, _I have not met Mulan_ , and I will _end you_ if you don’t start behaving.”

 

Kylo sulked, shoulders falling. “…fine.”

 

He paused. “…can I still have a lightsaber?”

 

“You’re not allowed to have a lightsaber anymore.”

 

“It’s _plastic._ ”

 

“They didn’t specify materials, you know. Just ‘no lightsabers, for the love of the Force, do not give him a weapon.’”

 

“I choose to believe that they didn’t mean a _toy_ one. There’s no possible harm to be had from it.”

 

“You could still hit someone if they annoy you.”

 

“Well.” Kylo shrugged, abashed. “That’s always a possibility.”

 

She’d finally relented, taking his hand and pulling him to the sprawling Star Wars gift shop.

 

He’d gathered quite a crowd when he’d demonstrated a few twirls and spins with his new saber, and Rey had indulged him, grabbed a standard saber from the make-your-own-lightsaber display and gently battled him for a few minutes. They’d grinned at each other when the assembled crowd broke into applause.

 

“Sure you don’t want one? It’d be just like old times,” Kylo said as he paid for the toy.

 

“You know, I think I like you a lot better like this.” She’d smiled as he looped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple.

 

The day had progressed very well from that point. They rode Star Tours an ungodly amount of times, watched the simulated battle between the Kylo Ren character performer and a slight woman who bore more than a passing resemblance to Rey.

 

(They’d shared a knowing smirk at the odd sexual tension throughout the performance. “Do you think the kids are getting the subtext?” Rey had whispered as they watched.

 

“You mean the fact that I pretty much wanted to fuck your brains out the entire time we were fighting?”

 

“ _Kylo!”_

“What?”)

 

They’d finally ended up at a bar at the far end of the park, and Kylo’s eyes had lit up at the menu of Dark Side themed drinks.

 

“Go slow, okay?” Rey warned. “You have no idea how this stuff is going to affect you.”

 

Kylo had scoffed, eyes skimming the menu in front of him. “I can hold my liquor just fine, Rey.”

 

Rey had pursed her lips but said nothing.

 

Six drinks later (to Rey’s two), Kylo was leaning hard against her shoulder, two plastic cubes flashing a series of colors in his palm as he stared at them in wide-eyed fascination.

 

“What _are_ these?” he murmured as Rey dragged him along, her arms laden with his saber and Lego set. “Are holochrons so common here that they serve them in _drinks_?”

 

“They’re _glow cubes_ , Kylo.”

 

“…fascinating. Do they contain the arcane Jedi lore of this place?”

 

“They contain plastic, and at present _you_ contain the blood alcohol level of a planetside freighter pilot.”

 

“’m not as drunk as you think I am.”

 

“You’re quite drunk, Kylo. I can _feel_ you, remember? You’ve got me all fuzzy.”

 

“Mm.” He nudged his nose against her temple. “What do you want to do next?”

 

Rey sighed and glanced up at the setting sun. “…I really wanted to ride that Space Mountain thing they have, but it’s all the way over at a different park…”

 

“Do they have any ships capable of light-speed? It wouldn’t take us too long to get there.”

 

“Well…” Rey furrowed her brow and extracted a crumpled map from her pocket. “…it says there’s a bus.”

 

“…a hyperspace bus?”

 

“No, just a regular kind.”

 

“Hm.” Kylo frowned. “That would take quite some time, I would imagine.”

 

“12 minutes, according to this.”

 

“ _Without_ light-speed capabilities?” He stared again at the shifting colors in his palm. “This place is full of mysteries.”

 

“Do you think you can ride a bus without trying to kill anyone on it?”

 

“As long as I am not asked to participate in any singalong activities. I have my limits.”

 

They’d made it to the Magic Kingdom without incident (though Rey had clutched Kylo’s hand in a warning death grip as he glowered at a small group of children dressed in Jedi robes). Once in the park, they’d maneuvered past meandering packs of tourists and headed for Space Mountain.

 

Which led to their present predicament…

 

“ _Sir_.” Exasperation was evident in the cast member’s face. “Please. Pull up. On. Your. Lap Bar.”

 

Kylo still glowered at her, yelping as his lap bar seemed to push up on its own accord.

 

The cast member stared at him, then at his lap bar, backing away slowly and giving the signal to the worker in launch position.

 

“Watch out for the ghost in the tunnel, by the way!” she called to Kylo as the rocket launched.

 

“ _What_?” he yelled back as the vehicle took off into a sharp turn.

 

 _You Force-pushed up my damn lap bar, didn’t you,_ he thought back to Rey.

 

 _You were delaying the ride_. _Now just try to enjoy yourself,_ Rey fired back.

 

The ride moved into a narrow tunnel with red lights flashing all around them, and Rey felt a stab of terror through her as something cold brushed over her — _Kylo’s_ terror.

 

 _…there’s something in here. A malevolent presence_. He was clearly agitated, half-turning in his seat, hand clutched around the plastic saber at his feet.

 

_Kylo, calm down, there’s nothing here. It’s just a ride._

_The worker indicated the presence of a ghost of some kind._ His eyes were wide, and she could feel his heartbeat quicken. _Perhaps a Force ghost? Some Sith who was lord of this mountain?_

_Kylo, I’m serious, **it’s okay**._

He was breathing hard, half-drunk and half-crazed as the ride ratcheted up into a chain lift. It was loud, whooshing stars, metallic clanking, and delighted screams all around them. A voice droned a countdown, the other riders ahead of them laughed…

 

…and the ride came to a dead stop as a flash of elongated red light appeared from the middle of the rocket, thrashing out wildly.

 

The noises from the ride distorted as they wound down, everything coming to a standstill as harsh fluorescent lights flared to life above them.

 

A grumbling cast member appeared beside their rocket, glaring at Kylo as his lap bar raised and he stood up, lightsaber clenched in one hand and raised in a threatening gesture.

 

“ _I am Kylo Ren_ ,” he bellowed, “ _and the lord of this mountain will yield to me and my consort.”_

 

His demanding speech ended unceremoniously as a Force tendril wrapped around his ankle and _pulled_ , knocking him back into the rocket as he cursed and grumbled.

 

The cast member looked back at Rey, who had her arms crossed over her chest and was looking at Kylo like she wanted to light him on fire.

 

“He’s really, _really_ drunk,” she said between clenched teeth.

 

—

 

The cast members had been surprisingly understanding about the whole thing, sympathetic to Rey even as they rolled their eyes at Kylo (“it’ll make a great story, at least,” one girl had said as they were escorted out of the building, offering Rey a friendly smile).

 

“What happens from here?” Rey asked as two burly park security officers appeared, unsmiling as they walked towards the front of the building.

 

The cast member girl escorting them frowned. “Well, he’ll probably get a temporary ban. It’s up to parks management.”

 

Rey’s face fell. “…I’d hoped we could see the fireworks later.”

 

The girl shrugged and gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. But he _did_ cause an E-stop waving that lightsaber of his around.”

 

Rey grimaced. “You should have seen him when he had the _real_ one.”

 

“…what?”

 

“…nothing.”

 

Kylo, for his part, was sitting along a low concrete wall, head in his hands.

 

Rey sat next to him with a huff. “Well, _thanks,_ ” she grumbled.

 

“…I’m sorry,” Kylo said, voice muffled by his hands. “I just wanted to protect you.”

 

“I can protect myself, thanks, and I didn’t _need_ to be protected from anything on a _ride_.”

 

“You don’t know that. What if there _was_ a Force ghost on that ride? You were unarmed.”

 

“Kylo. Your lightsaber is plastic. It is a _toy_. I don’t care how good your Niman form is, you were not going to win a battle in there.”

 

“…then I’d die trying,” he mumbled. “You haven’t had a churro yet and you wanted to see fireworks. I would not allow you to be harmed on that mountainside.”

 

It was surprisingly earnest and sincere, the kind of impassioned honesty that only came at the hands of copious amounts of alcohol.

 

Rey couldn’t help but smile, just a little.

 

“Noble idiot,” she murmured, resting her head against his shoulder. “Still want to watch the fireworks later?”

 

Kylo glanced at the approaching security guards. “…yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. They’re kicking me out.”

 

Rey offered him a sly grin. “You think so, huh?”

 

“So what happened here?” One of the security guards said, thick arms crossed over his chest. “We heard there was an incident with a…”

 

His arms went slack, brow furrowed. He turned to his companion. “…why are we here again?”

 

The guard next to him stared back in confusion. He turned and regarded the nearby cast member. “Someone called us out about something, didn’t they?”

 

The cast member girl scratched her head. “I… think so? Hang on, let me get my coordinator.”

 

Kylo glanced down at Rey, who was smirking, eyes dark.

 

Fifteen minutes later, no one could seem to remember why Space Mountain had undergone an emergency stop, and Rey and Kylo had complimentary Fastpasses to the reserved seating area for that night’s fireworks for the “inconvenience”.

 

“That was a misuse of the Force, you know,” Kylo observed as he rested his head in Rey’s lap, sprawled out on the grassy hub.

 

“Mm, well.” Rey shrugged and stroked his hair. “I couldn’t have them throwing you out in disgrace. That’s _my_ job.”

 

“And you do it _so_ well.” He grinned as Rey leaned down to kiss him. “Want to try to conquer that mountain of yours again tomorrow?”

 

“Sure. But no more lightsabers for you. _At all._ ”

 

“Deal.”


End file.
